Archive | May 2017

The Pain Of Being Indigo…Can Be So Sad

Posted By Another 4/20

For as long as I can remember I only wanted or cared about one thing. Being good, doing what’s right. It killed me when I’d disappoint others or I lied. Been at war with what I feel is really right and what the world says is right all my life. Iv’e been through a lot. Iv’e kept secrets for people who hurt me until their death so that they themselves wouldn’t have to hurt. It’s easier letting people hurt me than being the cause of someone else’s pain. It hurts on a level no one can understand. A simple lie I can not keep because even that tears at me. I am always and always have done what is right no matter the sacrifice. Though I too have my flaws and many mistakes that is my only goal. Sometimes even losing family or friends. Iv’e always felt alone like I didn’t belong here. No one was like me, no one understood how I could be how I am. It literally hurts me to hurt someone else. I can feel how they feel. I can put myself into anyone shoes and people can’t get that. I’m not bound by selfish incapability to see others reason. It’s often the reason I feel torn. My whole life some of my family has tried to teach me how to meditate do things with my mind, literally prepare me for “saving the world” they said. I never believed them. Thought they were crazy. I’m just me trying to bring a little good back into the world I’m not special. They said one day it’ll be time and you’ll know I was right. Iv’e always been stuck between what’s logical and what’s just me. Iv’e always know when something bad was about to happen I’d get dreams and in waking life a feeling of somethings coming. Usually a death or huge obstetrical. At 15 I was pregnant no power no food but it was literally the best peaceful time in all my life. I began to see things that I never had, see people in ways I never did. That’s when I got my dreams. Always telling me what’s coming. There is two still left untold about me “saving the world.” I thought I was just crazy like my family and soon my dreams faded, my ability to see things different faded, to see people different faded. Still had them when things huge were going to happen, but the rest gone. My dreams were my most precious gifts, I loved them, cherished them good or bad. I stopped working to see beyond so I stopped seeing. I lost faith in the people. Felt like I couldn’t help anyone because no one was willing to help themselves. So I left the world went into hiding in a sense, put my all into raising my children making sure they never felt the pain I had to but also making sure they didn’t judge it harshly when pain comes. It’s not enough I know I’m here for a reason. It’s not to raise kids who know love even though its my life. It’s not to change people, or grow things, to teach things. I can’t put my finger on it sometimes it’s so close I can almost touch it but it’s bigger than that. The world is dying and it’s mans fault. We are selfish, greedy, money hungry people. We live to work not work to live, we kill everything or change it manipulate it. We build bombs that can level a whole county, literally kill this whole planet. We deserve what ever happens. We are a destructive race and don’t belong here. We ruin everything. EVERYTHING!! If we don’t change as a whole, us, our children or our children’s children will all perish for our mistakes. One or some people can not change, it will not work. Man as a whole, man as one has to change. Or history will always repeat. I don’t know my reason for being here and I know this life isn’t the end. But I’m not special, I’m not the odd ball out. I’m just me and if anything it’s the people of this earth who are the ones that don’t belong. I know I am right in my ways. Being good, doing what is right it isn’t easy, but it is the right way because loving people, doing what it takes to help someone else… It can’t be wrong. Giving the world back just a little respect for being on this beautiful planet should be everyone’s goal, because without the earth we are nothing. Religion is just a tool throw it ALL out. You wanna worship something worship the ground you walk on, you kill for, that us as a whole have completely destroyed!! Love is what is going to save this world not some God. If God should be the title of anything or anyone it should be LOVE. Unconditional love is the only love there is no other never has been and never will be. Until people can open there eyes and see others reason, love others at all cost, our future no longer exist.

This entry was posted on May 31, 2017. 5 Comments