I’m 27 and got into new age/OBE’s/buddhism when I was 12. My parents had just gotten divorced and with both of them using me against one another I was left to fend for myself emotionally and spiritually. My ego began to over-develop as I was the only one in my house that could show me love. By age 17 I was no longer able to project (OBE), and spirituality fell to the way-side in favor of sex, drugs, and alcohol. I thought my life was perfect because everyone told me how lucky I was to be the pinnacle of privilege. The day I turned 18, I moved to Bangkok living like a king off of modelling jobs, wakeboarding, and a very lucrative operation on the newly-founded Silk Road marketplace.
Depression and realization of an inherent emptiness reared its ugly head just after I turned 21 and my beautiful Thai g/f at the time asked me what was wrong. “This lifestyle…” I said. “It’s not something I’m willing to work for…” I paused as I felt this dull pop/crunch inside my brain and I got really dark “… but it’s sure as fuck something I’d kill for to keep.”
Hearing myself say that wrenched my stomach, and the fact my g/f was completely unfazed by it made it a little worse. I shut everything down, bought a plane ticket, and was back home in the US less than 3 weeks later.
For the next 5 years I became an alcoholic landscaper, and started to reconnect with those people that were around when i was healthy and fully plugged into the noosphere. January 1st 2016 I resolved to make a conscious effort to become the best possible version of myself, and to go above and beyond for people who ASK for help (no one likes unsolicited advice).
February, I straight up quit drinking. Don’t miss it one bit. April, I got my own landscaping LLC up and running. I’m still using weed/cigs as my crutch, but it’s only because I’m scared.
I’d never say that out loud, but it’s true. On 5 different occasions I’ve tried to quit smoking weed, and meditate but hypomania and too much energy always get the best of me. Imagine NYC’s power grid all rigged up with those petite red-yellow electric wires as opposed to big thick cables… TOTAL OVERLOAD! Again I have a very active job, strength train 4x a week, and eat really clean foods but without weed and with meditation, my energy levels are so high I’ll literally have to start jump roping or doing push-ups when i should be able to relax… That last thing I said about the cables is actually making me think that whats going on is that I’m quite literally ungrounded (ungrounded electricity=live wire).
Every “indigo” person kind of undergoes they’re own transformation and sometimes it’s ugly and painful. I guess my advice to anyone lost or confused would be “listen to your heart”. Super cliche, but if you can make that connection, even if only for a short while, the entire essence of your being will yearn for that fulfillment of purpose and you can make peace with the universe, spaceship Earth, and all of it’s inhabitants.
Also remember to expose yourself to people and information that you want to become a part of you. You are what you think/feel. Even a few Buddhist monks in the south of Thailand after years of Muslim bombings have put down the Pali Canon in favor of the sword. Neither the monks nor the Thai common folk condemn these souls that formerly sought enlightenment, because the violence is just an unfortunate part of their reality, or as they see it, their karma.
“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.” – Walt Whitman